Where are the People Who Support Us?
Today was opening day of youth softball/baseball in my community. Before leaving for the parade, I was polishing up a post that I intended to publish Monday. After we arrived home today my daughter said something about support that inspired me to write a completely different post.
She asked, “Where are all the people who are supposed to be here to watch the parade and support us? Some of my friends had no one mom“.
I won’t hesitate to say my heart sank.
She has seen pictures from when I was younger and the streets were lined up both sides with probably a couple thousand or so parents and friends catching candy and cheering us on.
This day, there was less than a hundred total.
To be fair, my community was larger when I was growing up. The economy has taken a large hit since the early 2000s. But things like car shows, bike races, and fishing derby’s bring a few thousand spectators on their given weekend. The lack of support for the youth was so discouraging.
Our Communities Need Our Support
Some of the parents were in the parade with the children. Most of whom are coaches or assistant coaches but many of the children had no one at all, and the more than half-empty streets had their little hearts aching.
[bctt tweet=”My daughter’s comment stirred up a thought about support in general. Some of my friends had no one mom.” username=””]
As we filed our way toward the fields more people began to show up for the start of the games but that parade was something special for many of those children and they felt jipped.
Are you Supported?
Those kids out there today are not alone in this feeling. Do you feel support from your closest friends and family? How about your peers, coworkers, church, or gym buddies?
Are you in a place where you have someone trustworthy to call when the going gets rough? Can you rely on anyone when the tears start to flow? Not just tears of sadness. Who do you share your best news with?
We Aren’t Meant to Do Life Alone
Some people really pride themselves on being able to do it all and do it alone. They think it’s a sign of strength and that relying on others is a weakness. This isn’t one of those small white lies we tell ourselves, like the slice of pie only has 150 calories so why not? This is a damaging invasive lie that starts to isolate us from others.
There is a reason there are so many support groups out there. People are meant to be in community with one another. We aren’t meant to do life alone. There are groups for:
- Addiction
- Alzheimer’s
- Alcoholics
- Families of Alcoholics
- Bankruptcy
- Anxiety
- Cancer
- Diabetes
- Eating Disorders
- Gambling
- Infertility
- Mood disorders
- Sleep disorders
- Caregivers
- Church Groups
- Weight Loss
….among thousands of others. Many of the ones we know about are in place for people going through a difficult life experience. But even those who aren’t going through major stuff, need support. Have you ever been a bridesmaid? I haven’t had the honor but I can only imagine the level of support needed there.
One critical factor in mental and emotional health is having trust and help that understands us and can help us work through problems. Support systems or individuals can give us advice, help us to learn new skills, keep us on the right track, and hold us accountable to do what needs to be done. This is especially helpful when we have frozen or are stuck in a pattern that is resulting in a life we are not satisfied with.
Where to Get Support?
Support comes in different forms to each of us. Let’s talk about what is true support and a few things that people mistake for support that really aren’t.
Real support could be,
- Friends and Family. This is the obvious one, however, many people do not have close friends or family and this leaves a big hole to be filled. The real support comes from those who recognize when something is wrong without you even having to point it out to them. They can tell from your behavior, good or bad. These people should be non-judgmental and supportive.
- Counselor or Coaching. When our friends or family have too much on their plate or are inexperienced in what we are going through, we may need to seek additional guidance in the form of a professional. This does not make you weak. In fact, it means you are solution oriented and do not want to continue to live in the current problem.
- Religion or Spirituality. Prayer and meditation are therapeutic for those who believe. The sense of community and connection found in this is usually great but many others also appreciate the sense of calm and peace they receive from a relationship with divine prayer or meditation.
- Hobbies and Exercise. These are supportive if you are in a group sport or activity. This is a way of connecting with others that you may not have met otherwise. Sports can bring new people into your life on a consistent basis. Exercise in group settings is the same. The more opportunities you have to meet others, the greater chance of making a connection to someone who becomes a forever friend.
- Support Groups. These exist for good reason. They truly can help others work through difficult seasons of their lives in a more successful manner.
False support can be,
- “That Friend or Family member” You know, the one that gossips and wants all the juicy details of your life, shoving advice at you every two seconds. She’s always willing to listen but not for the right reasons…snip.
- Facebook. While good for making a quick connection with a far away friend, FB is not a replacement for real interaction. It’s easy to get lost scrolling chats and photos for hours. But this is not a real form of communication, rather a form of escaping. There is something to be said for looking someone in the eye, shaking hands, hugs, and sincere closeness.
- Psychics. Seriously, just save your money and get a good coach or counselor. Some of these psychics are trained to manipulate and recognize a good opportunity to do so.
- Anything you have been trying for a while that isn’t working. If you have been in any support group or meeting with a friend or counselor, yet months later still struggle with the same dilemma, it’s time to try someone new. It’s possible that your own stubbornness is holding you back. So if you are hearing the same advice from multiple sources you may need to evaluate where you are. But don’t give up!
In fact, if you are feeling stuck please sign up and take my Free 5 Day email challenge, now available as an ebook. The Love Your Life Challenge is meant to help you identify some detours and roadblocks, and help you get your life back to a place you are truly excited about.
Do you Deliver Support?
On the other end of the spectrum, are you supportive?
Here’s a real kicker. Are you supportive of yourself, or only of others? So many people give and give and give to people who take and take and take.
Some people admit that they are not there for others in the way they should be. If this is you, I encourage you to work on it. Not for everyone but for those who really matter to you, the ones you want to stick around, prioritizing them is important.
But very few people admit when they are so supportive of others that they leave no time for themselves. Everyone else’s goals, dreams, or even daily tasks come first.
This is not support in a pure form, it’s people pleasing and it’s damaging to relationships from all angles.
As I watched all those kids walk down the street this morning I was reminded of being supportive of community. I am proud to live where I do and I hope that others love their communities as well. Many times I have seen my community rally and raise money for a sick family or someone whose home burnt down, etc.
But today I was saddened by the lack of support for those not struggling but celebrating. So if nothing else I hope these words have inspired you to reach out and support someone or something you care about. Raise interest in a good cause, or just call someone you care about and let them know how much they mean to you 🙂
-xoxo Deanna