“May the odds be ever in your favor.” Have you been really going after your idea of success only to feel like the odds are stacked against you? Someone wise once said the key to success or failure is found in our daily habits. This is because our habits come from our beliefs. Success habits are easy…once we break the beliefs that hold us back.
Click for assistance on breaking down some of the most common self-limiting beliefs.
I’d consider myself a better than decent success and mindset coach. I know I can hand someone all the keys and strategies to them living their best life, but if they aren’t willing to do the mindset work or tweak their habits, their results will suck. Which is why I really dig in on mindset work and beliefs.
Habits make or break us.
And most people believe their habits are “good” or “no big deal”.
They don’t put enough thought or intention into their daily routines or worse, think that their mundane time wasters or mindset replay reels are no biggie.
If a person has been going after the same goal or trying to make some area of their life more successful for a long time, chances are high they haven’t changed their mindset, their beliefs, their habits and routines.
Results change when you do.
Same habits, same results.
Better habits, better results.
I’m gonna address nine habits that should get the ax if you’re serious about changing something in your life for the better. Maybe only one or two apply to you. Sometimes it only takes one or two doozy habits to sabotage ourselves. So if you recognize one of these as a hiccup for yourself, work on giving it da boot!
Needing to Know How
This is a doozy. When we aim for any goal/resolution in life, we often want to be able to identify how we are going to get it.
This is a control issue. We want things done on our terms. We want to know how we are going to get something. This is one of the reasons SMART goals drive me nuts.
Measurable and realistic often lead to self-sabotage. And they tell you if you break down your goals into teeny tiny steps (micromanaging anyone?) that you’ll get it.
This narrows the window and path of us getting our desired outcomes to only one option, which is rarely the best option if we broke these steps down alone. And one lonely path to our goals usually results in frustration and failure.
Yes it’s still fine to break down big dreams. I teach a ninety day plan quite nicely. But we ALWAYS leave room for unexpected blessings and opportunities.
Ease up on the “how” and focus more on the “why”.
Guilt/Shame Around Past Experiences
A relationship tanked. A business venture flopped. We missed a really big opportunity.
These types of regrets often come with guilt and shame attached to them, and it’s the kind of guilt and shame that suck you in like quick sand.
I’m not the type of coach that tells her clients the past is the past and you should just leave it there. Nope, not me.
Our past is important and shapes who we are. But I do encourage all of my clients to rewrite parts of their past to better serve themselves. We should be drawing inspiration and strength from it like a reservoir full of rich goodness.
When things go wrong, or not according to plan, we often blame ourselves, others, or circumstances in general. We start making sweeping generalizations in life about our self-worth, our abilities, how others treat us, how things happen to us in life. Actually, it’s quite vicious.
My own business coach recently caught me doing this with one particular area of my business. I was making a generalization and as a result it was attacking my own self-worth. And because I have a coach, I was able to get a fresh perspective and assistance working on a plan to squash the issue.
If you’ve been stuck in “poor me” mentality, take some time to reflect on the positive things that came from these experiences. Embrace the goodness, let go and forgive the rest. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, although that’s often a positive side effect of forgiveness.
Many people need help with this and it’s a sign of strength when you admit to yourself that it’s been sabotaging you, and you’ve matured and grown enough to seek assistance working through it.
Running From Issues That Need Fixed
This habit is tough. Running.
I use the term “escapism” when talking about this because most people don’t realize that many of their escapism habits are a form of running from an issue rather than just facing and fixing it.
Instead of changing something or stepping out of a comfort zone, we retreat into some other habit that takes our mind off the problem.
Examples include but are in no way limited to: shopping, gambling, scrolling FB, netflix marathons, binge eating, drinking, gaming, gossip, etc.
The common denominator is that none of these habits adds anything significant to our lives or big dreams, but they allow us to take our mind off of more important things for hours, days, or even months at a time. They erode into our time and trap us in an endless cycle of not getting much done. Certainly not changing issues that need fixing or building big dreams.
They are “running” habits.
Even positive things like exercise can become a form of running or escapism when used to avoid something that needs some attending to. So if you’ve been going to the gym every night to avoid going home and having a difficult conversation with your significant other, yeah, time to ditch the gym and face the music.
Don’t let things fester. Declutter the closet so to speak.
Letting Opinions Take Over
And this goes for both other people’s opinions of you, and your opinions of other people and/or the world in general.
Our beliefs strongly shape our thoughts, emotions, actions, and habits. Those things added together=our results in life.
When we allow other people’s opinions to affect us, it’s because we believe that what they think or say about us is truth. If this opinion is coming from someone we love and trust, we really should evaluate it and take some stock of it. But if it isn’t, we need to let it roll off our shoulders and keep moving along.
On the same token, we can sometimes become jaded and let our thoughts and beliefs about others or the “way of the world” dictate how we maneuver our day-to-day life and this can be a really big mistake. Having preconceived notions about people or circumstances closes us off to a lot of opportunity in life.
Trolls on the net run from plain mean to flat out disgusting. Don’t let one ignorant opinion of something you wrote or did, keep you from sharing your goodness with millions of others.
Remember this: Hurt people-hurt people. Happy people-love and lift people.
So if someone said or did something offensive remember they are probably hurting and it’s best to let this comment rest as nothing more than someone hurting. And if you hurt someone else or have become cynical, it’s time to figure out what’s under the surface causing you to lash out at others or guard yourself against the world.
Making Excuses
We’ve all done it.
Made an excuse to get out of something. “I just can’t. I have this to do, or that.” So we continue putting off what we should be doing in favor of what isn’t working or what’s easier.
Or maybe to justify something. “I wouldn’t have said that if I wasn’t so tired.” or “I haven’t been able to lose any weight because of this injury.” etc
Or to blame anyone or anything but ourselves. “He ruined my shot at getting promoted so I’ve been stuck in this department for years.”
Excuses do a lot of things. They make us feel less responsible for something. They can help us cope. Often, they gain us sympathy.
What they don’t do, and will never do, is get us an ounce closer to our dreams, goals, or ambitions.
The foundation of any successful life is not built on excuses. In fact, you should take a demolition crew to as many of them as possible so you can put your foundation on solid ground.
Ignoring Your Blessings or Gifts
Are you really good at something? Pat yourself on the back.
GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT WHERE IT’S DUE.
Too many people ignore their positive traits and strengths. It’s really important to celebrate the small accomplishments on the way to a bigger victory.
If you never take any time to appreciate those, and you’re always focused on only the end goal, you’ll become resentful along the journey.
Outside of your own personal gifts, you also need to get super grateful for blessings all around you.
Both your own and other people’s. We often have far more to be grateful for than we give thought to. It’s astounding how many things in life we can take for granted. Take some time to really appreciate all the things going right in your life. If you can’t think of any, we need to hop on an intensive call and hash that out for you.
It’s also crucial that you are happy for others. Jealousy will never bring about good things. But good vibes and genuine gratitude for others will ripple like magic. When we are grateful for others, it attracts more goodness into our own lives.
They aren’t taking a slice of your pie. Good for them doesn’t mean bad for you. If anything, it means good should be headed your way real soon. Birds of a feather type stuff!
Always Planning the Future
This habit comes with worry. When we are super focused on goals that are in the future, we can miss out on the life that’s happening right now.
The little things matter. Being in the moment matters.
I wrote a very personal post about a friend of mine who had mapped out her entire 10 year plan. You can read it here. But in short, she had a total breakdown when she realized a huge chunk of her life was essentially missing and had completely passed her by. She couldn’t get it back.
She had spent so much time chasing the next thing on her list, that she missed out on some of life’s most important moments and experiences. It was heart-wrenching and I learned an incredibly important lesson from her tribulation.
It’s ok to have lists. I even encourage them.
But it’s imperative that you live in the now, while building your dreams.
It’s not about the end goal. It’s about who you are and who you become along the way. Getting “the thing” or the result will only be as great as who you are and who you impact along the journey.
Being Indecisive About What You Want
This is almost always, as in 99% of the time, a mindset issue.
Sometimes we let others determine our path. Our parents told us what to do or guided us toward a path they thought was best for us. Or maybe you married someone and fell into their idea of what your ideal life or career should look like.
Other times, it’s just us.
Chasing, running, exploring endlessly.
People describe wanderlust like it’s a good thing. And in this day and age, being a digital nomad is talked about like it’s all that. But what if that endless exploring is a way of escaping? A way of running from something we need to address.
What if bouncing from one relationship to the next isn’t about finding “the one” but more about you not knowing what the heck you actually want in this life and really hurting and running over others in your process of “self-discovery”?
What if the constant, “I’m waiting to have children until I’m done partying or building my career”, closes your window permanently? Will you look back and think it was worth it? Or look back with regret? I’ve never met anyone who said they wishes they had drank more beer and partied harder in their youth. Careers and families can be built simultaneously. One does not have to sacrifice the other, if you’re doing it in a healthy way.
Human beings are vastly unique but we all have some basic core needs that if ignored, dig big problems in our lives. Love, security, and a desire that supersedes one’s self are nearly always, in one form or another, on every human beings list of top needs in life.
The sooner you get crystal clear on what has to be in your life or what you need to think/feel/do to meet those core needs, the quicker you will start living your best life on a regular basis.
If you don’t, you’ll keep running, keep hopping on band-wagons, or keep mindlessly walking a path that isn’t your own.
Doing Absolutely Nothing
Freezing in fear.
Not knowing what to do next so you do nothing at all. Just keep putting one foot in front of another. The days start running together on auto-pilot like bad re-runs of a cancelled show.
Maybe a poor choice in the past has you afraid of repeating the mistake. Or fear of leaving a comfort zone has you living way below your potential.
We are not guaranteed a tomorrow. Today might be all you have.
I’m not telling you to go reckless and live with abandon.
When you start really appreciating each day and making choices that enhance your life and the lives of those around you, things fall into place.
You start erasing doubt, regret, anxiety, etc from you life.
This is where hiring a coach or mentor can really make a huge difference in your life. If you feel stuck and don’t know what to do, but don’t want to sit around letting life just happen to you, getting some much needed help can make a world of difference in record time.
So if what you’ve been doing hasn’t been getting you the results you want, check out my free 5 day assessment. It just might help you uncover what has been blocking your results
xoxo-Deanna