The Happiness Diamond
Some days it seems as though happiness is an illusion. No matter what we try, it’s just out of grasp. Like a mirage in the desert. We keep walking toward it because we know once we get there a happy oasis awaits. Thirst for our dry, parched bodies and souls.
I cannot even tell you how many articles I have read that say, “True happiness is found from within…etc”. You know the spiel. Every time I read it, steam emits from my ears.
That phrase is not helpful to those who do not already have a sense of inner joy and happy peace. For the people in the hunt for happiness, telling them it’s found from within is like dropping them off in downtown New York and asking them to lead the way to your favorite deli without directions.
Um, hello! Unless I’m from New York and very familiar with that particular section of town, I’m going to be lost.
The same goes with that generic answer for happiness coming from ourselves.
That light bulb epiphany moment is not going to occur in an instant. A few rounds of meditation and having someone tell me to that all I have to do is stop looking for validation from anyone other than myself, blah, blah, blah.
Vague Happiness Lessons
Here’s my issue with that answer. While it may be true to an extent, the people lost in the shuffle of searching and trying so hard to grasp happiness are unable to jump from point A to point B with one leap. The steps for getting there are vaguely defined.
You can’t pull money from a bank account that is empty any more than you can pull happy out of a person who is exhausted and emotionally unable to find it.
I have read a few articles that are a bit more comprehensive and include some actionable steps that can increase the odds of success. What I noticed lacking from many of these articles was countering the belief systems that led people to where they are.
Down by a Few
Tony Robbins doesn’t jump on stage and tell people, “Look inside yourself and you’ll find your happiness”. If that was the answer he gave the guy would have gone bankrupt.
The people seeking happiness sure as heck don’t see it when they look within. They usually see stress, depression, numbness, addiction, failure, setbacks, anxiety, pick your poison.
He knows that he usually has one weekend to try and help the people in the audience find and identify the habits and core beliefs that they need to work on in order to even start the journey. He’s looking to help them connect their problem to a real actionable solution.
[bctt tweet=” He’s looking to help them connect their problem to a real actionable solution.” username=””]
If any of you feels a lack in the happy department it likely did not occur overnight. Children raised in a healthy and safe environment are naturally pretty happy as long as they do not have mental or physical health issues. Even many of those children are very upbeat. I have met many children with Down’s syndrome and they are some of the most positive, happy people I have encountered despite their daily challenges.
Batter Up
So what gives? Well at some point maybe you failed at something very important to you. Perhaps you didn’t get into the college you wanted. Or the guy you fell in love with didn’t love you back. Maybe you suffered a major blow to your self-esteem and started to settle for less than you deserve because you no longer believed you deserve what your heart truly desires.
That’s a big black hole sized problem.
Swing and Miss
Settling for less than what we truly want starts small. We don’t set out to burn or fall short of what we want for ourselves. But then like a black hole, we get sucked away from the path we wanted to be on and no matter how hard we try, just can’t seem to get back. Sadly, most people chasing happiness create more bad habits that pull them even farther from their true self.
Maybe your parents put pressure on you to follow the family business but what you really wanted was to work with children. Or you went to college in the hopes of becoming an accountant but after college found yourself struggling to get your foot in a door and are now cleaning hotel rooms. Nothing wrong with that profession, if it’s your heart’s desire. But if you have settled on a career that isn’t what you feel a spark of joy for, well Strike One.
Relationships are a key component of our happiness. They say look within. Guess what? I don’t care how much looking you do, people are necessary for our happiness.
Does this mean we should allow them to control it and define it? No.
But you can self-reflect all you want. If you are alone more than you want to be, happiness is elusive because people aren’t meant to go through this life alone. We are built for companionship and community.
So what if you grew up with an absent parent or had a few dud relationships in college, maybe a broken engagement or divorce that was not your idea? These kinds of experiences can chip away at what we think we deserve. People can settle for less than they want when fear creeps in.
Striking Out
Loneliness can drive us to date someone that we may not otherwise have considered. Or an ex emotionally tore you to shreds and you now question what you have to offer. We make friends with people whose beliefs or core values don’t line up with our own because we lost a best friend along the way. Suddenly we are surrounded by people who don’t support who we want to be. Strike two.
Someone put us down or made us feel like we are less than we are, so we stop trying as hard.
Pack on some weight, wear plain clothes, stop getting dressed up. A person in our church or group of friends says something behind our back so we withdraw or drop out completely. We lose a parent or child and don’t seek help for the grieving process, maybe blocking out what we should allow ourselves to feel and work through.
We say yes when we want to say no and say no when we want to say yes. Strike three, four, five. You get the point.
Suddenly we’re at a point where we are just sitting on the bench and refuse to step up to the plate anymore. We feel too defeated to let hope in.
[bctt tweet=”We say yes when we want to say no and say no when we want to say yes. Strike three, four, five. ” username=””]
No Defense
When we stop doing the things that define who we truly want to be, happiness is elusive. Those “what ifs” I wrote about last week take over.
Suddenly it’s like a game of PacMan that can’t be won. All the power pellets are gone, the gates are closed. You’re being chased by ghosts endlessly, defending ourselves instead of advancing to the next level.
All the while, trying to figure out where we started to lose our way. We aren’t even on our own team anymore. Our decisions, maybe even our lives, feel like they are on auto-pilot.
My e-mail opt-in incentive is going live next week. In this email course I challenge people to figure out what’s holding them back, why, and how to get back to their true course. Their own path that will net them the greatest rewards. When we are on the path we belong on, luck, love, and life all seem to fall into place in a way that we are dreaming of.
We are better to ourselves and to those around us.
We start to believe in miracles and possibilities again.
Will life ever be perfect? Of course not, but we can aim for pretty freaking awesome!
Happiness Resources
In the meantime, here are two articles that have some great surface level steps that can help stir up some good feelings. Sometimes if you are buried, you have to start with the easier stuff before you can tackle the roots.
Click on over to here to find some of the happiness landmines and how to avoid them.
Or if you struggle with comparing yourself to others or trying to keep up with others try this little article.
Hoping to connect with many of you during the email challenge!
–xoxo Deanna