Advice-One Size Does Not Fit All.
When I was younger I would flip through a magazine or read a blog article with a seriously puzzled look on my face. Honestly, I sometimes still do. The masses were certainly not writing relationship advice for small-town rural America. All you country or small town girls know what I am talking about. There was and still is- a pretty big difference between dating in New York City and Casper, Wyoming.
I would laugh and scratch my head when I was reading, “How to Know if your Exclusive“. The author would go on to explain how to have this conversation without chasing the guy away. Or the more popular, you are both free to date and sleep with other people until you have co-decided to be exclusive. WHAT?
I wanted to scream at the author and be like, woman, as soon as he puts his lips on mine he’d better not be putting them anywhere else. And if he says he isn’t ready to be exclusive, I’d be chasing him off with a stick not trying to convince him to stay.
But in the big city, seeing multiple people at the same time until you click with someone is quite common. My friend who lived in the Los Angeles area for a while was dating four men for a little over five months. One guy showed a particular interest in becoming quite serious and she broke it off with the other three.
Though she hadn’t slept with these men, she had kissed, wined and dined all four of them for a few months. Foreign language to me but for her area, this type of dating is normal. Some people in big cities still have the small town dating mentality and vice versa.
Self-Worth of self-help advice wasn’t much different. Not all sites, but many would try to fit people into a broad category or group. They would outline some advice and expect it to work for all their readers.
All introverts turn here, all extroverts enter there. Divorcees go left, widows exit right. Problems with your teen click this. Problems with your mother-in-law, call 911 (just kidding..?).
A Quick Analysis
Let’s say your friends Amber and Allie are about to go through the same ordeal. Both women have been married for seven years. They both have one kid and work part-time in jobs they love. Their lives parallel in so many ways. Both women from the outside looking in are beautiful, successful, fit, and seem to have a lot going for them. Then they both end up getting cheated on. They seek the same help and advice. They both try extra hard to make amends and move forward and they both truly want to save their marriages.
Amber succeeds. She has a few hiccups but within a year her life is back on track and she has come out stronger and more self-assured through her adversity. Allie is in turmoil. Despite her husband bending over backward to make amends, divorce is right around the corner. Allie is devastated. She followed all the same steps and tried all the same techniques as Amber. What happened?
Well, the advice they followed was written by someone who was raised the way Amber was raised. She had a strong foundation. Her parents encouraged her, loved her, and re-enforced her self-worth every day of her life. Allie, on the other hand, was abandoned by her mother at age 9 and raised by a father who loved her but worked two jobs to make ends meet. He spent many nights arguing with her older sister and trying to force her brother into college.
Same Difference?
Amber and Allie’s core belief system was different. Amber believed from moment one, that with some hard work her marriage would be able to be saved. Allie started to question what was wrong with her. Why had this happened to her? He isn’t attracted to me anymore. What did I do wrong? What if he doesn’t mean what he says and leaves me for someone else?
No matter how bad she wanted her marriage to work, doubt took over. Allie had no clue how to apply the same advice as Amber on an internal level. She was doing everything right on the outside but upstairs she was boxing with herself.
[bctt tweet=”Same articles, same advice, same application, totally different outcomes.” username=””]
Advice needs to be tailored a little.
My point is this. The majority of articles I write will focus on improving your luck/happiness and improving your relationships with friends, family, and significant others. If you read something that applies and speaks to you I am so thrilled! Bookmark and share friends.
If you read something and it completely doesn’t fit your situation, that’s ok too, maybe it will apply to a close friend who needs different perspective than you do. Perhaps it won’t relate to you at all. Skip it and come back for the next one. I’m bound to publish something you love eventually 🙂
I don’t expect everything I write to apply to my entire audience. We are all so different. We come from different backgrounds, nationalities, cultural diversities, and on and on. Our experiences and environment both continually shape who we are and how we relate. Remember this when you read an article by any author. Their views shaped their opinions and their advice may or may not be helpful to you personally.
Thank you for reading and I look forward to getting to know many of you!
xoxo-Deanna